Reprogram Your Inner Voice
From Critic to Coach
Hi Friends,
We finally had a gloriously sunny weekend here in Provence. So, I took Saturday off from working on my book to explore Mougins, a beautiful artists’ village above Cannes on the Côte d’Azur. And, as I wandered the charming, narrow streets, soaking up the views and admiring the outdoor sculptures, I noticed my brain pulling me back to my to-do list–nudging me with reminders of my writing: what wasn’t finished, what could be better and what else I “should” be doing. It was as if my inner critic had tagged along to paradise!
That’s when I realized this was my default mode at work; it’s our brain’s automatic way of filling in the blanks when we’re not intentionally focused on something specific. And it has much more to say about our lives than we might realize.
While we relax or daydream, the default mode is the part of us that hums along in the background, nudging us to stay on task, even when all we need is to be present. It’s our mind’s way of keeping us “on track,” but when it’s overactive, it can make us feel restless, never fully able to relax or simply be.
We all have a voice like this—a part of our inner dialogue that we’re so used to hearing that we sometimes don’t even notice. But this default setting can shape how we respond to what’s around us, whether a challenge, a mistake, or even a perfect Saturday in Provence.
Neuroscientists call this the Default Mode Network (DMN). It’s there to process our “self-narratives” and weave together our memories, goals, and self-image, even when we’re just mind-wandering or daydreaming. But here’s the catch: this “default” mode loves to run the show, and it’s not always looking out for our best interests. Left unchecked, our DMN can stir up doubts, old criticisms, and anxieties that feel all too real. And, when we’re on autopilot, we often listen to the same script: that internal commentary on everything from our past mistakes to our future worries.
The good news? You can redirect this inner dialogue from a critical commentary into a supportive narrative that moves you forward. And it starts with a tiny step: paying attention to it. Once you know what’s on “replay,” you can rewrite it.
An exercise in my book can help you tune into your default mode and begin to reprogram it. I’ve used it myself and with others with success, so I’m sharing a short version of it with you today, hoping it might help you change your internal narrative for the better.
Exercise: What’s the Story You Keep Telling Yourself
The following exercise will help you notice your default mode and where your inner dialogue shapes any automatic responses in specific situations in your daily life. You’ll be better able to spot when you’re running on autopilot, responding out of habit rather than intention. You’ll also be able to see where you’re already supporting yourself well, which is critical to build upon. Remember, this isn’t about judging yourself—it’s about getting curious. Where is this inner chatter helpful? Where does it pull you down? And how might you reprogram it so that it better supports you?
Give yourself 20 minutes to work on this if you can.
Reflect on Common Situations: Pick 3-5 situations where you know your inner dialogue gets loud—whether at work, in relationships, or even in how you approach self-care. Write down what your inner voice says in each case. Jot down what your inner voice says in these situations. Example: When I make a mistake, I usually say, ‘I’m so careless; I should have known better.’
Spot Patterns: What’s the tone of this dialogue—supportive, critical, or neutral? Notice how each instance makes you feel. Is it uplifting or draining?
Rewrite Your Script: For each situation, replace the old inner dialogue with something more supportive and constructive, as if you were speaking to a close friend. Example: ‘I made a mistake, but I can learn from this.’
Start Reprogramming: Pick one situation to focus on this week. Use your new, supportive dialogue instead of your default response whenever it comes up. See how this shift feels.
This week, your challenge is to notice these patterns, catch that default mode in action, and gradually reframe the story it’s telling you. See how it feels to swap that default chatter with kind words that support and care for you rather than criticize or hold you back. And don’t worry if it feels strange at first; rewiring your inner voice takes time, but it’s one of the most powerful steps you can take to change the way you experience your day-to-day life.
I’m Janine Mathó, and I’m writing Live Your Opus, a book for ambitious people who crave deeper meaning, fulfillment, and direction but sometimes struggle to break through (forthcoming 2025). As always, thanks for being here. If this resonates, please share this letter with others who might benefit. Thank you!
Until next time, be well!
I publish on Substack twice a week, on Mondays & Thursdays. The format of this letter is evolving as I write my book, so I look forward to your comments and input. Subscribe here, and now you can join hundreds of people reading my letters on LinkedIn. You can learn more about me and my work here.
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