Focus on the gains

Reframe 'not productive' & have more fun

“The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time. Any fool can do it. There ain't nothing to it. Nobody knows how we got to the top of the hill. But since we're on our way down. We might as well enjoy the ride.” James Taylor, The Secret of Life

So, I talked to my most challenging client the other day; she’s had a busy summer with weeks of friends and family visiting from around the world and trips from here to there. Did I mention she works full-time and runs her own business? 

Earlier this summer, she felt antsy. She was off schedule and found it challenging to keep up with her usual morning, diet, and exercise routines with a houseful. She was focused on the negative, what was not happening in her life, rather than enjoying what was happening.

Throughout the summer, we worked to adapt her routine, making it more flexible and aligning it with the life she was creating. We worked through her remaining perfectionist tendencies, getting her comfortable setting the scene instead of hyper-focusing on her guests’ happiness. We worked on gratitude, moving her towards appreciating each moment with her friends and family.

And then it happened–she was in the flow. She was saying yes to the summer she’d carefully planned. She was glowing and happy. She even wrote a LinkedIn post about feeling the most aligned ever. 

Oh–did I mention that the client was me?

Yes, me.

After an intensely productive winter and spring, I welcomed the summer of writing my first book by saying yes to many beautiful experiences. Within weeks, I was convinced I’d made a mistake—how wrong I was.

• I said yes to two quick days in Lisbon with my cousins. And, yes, to a week in Umbria with some good friends. 

• Yes, to six weeks of houseguests–friends, and family I hadn’t spent time with in ages–and all the fun things we did together: lavender fields, the beach, days in Nice and medieval villages, exploring hidden swimming holes and hikes, and more.

• Yes, to several new client projects, a week in Lyon to watch the Olympic games and a trip to London. And, in two weeks, a trip to the US.

It’s unlike me to say ‘yes’ so often. I say ‘no’ more than I say ‘yes’ to clients, friends, and family, so I live a disciplined life and focus intensely on the work I’ve committed to. 

But there’s something magical about saying ‘yes’ in the summer–to live openly and fully while my friends and loved ones have time off to play. To bend my own rules and live (or at least try to live) a more carefree existence.

And guess what? 

I completed the book proposal and am now submitting it to publishers.  I’ve written one good chunk of the book and have a very detailed table of contents to guide me as I continue to write in the weeks ahead. And, although I haven’t been writing here or on LinkedIn as much, I am here today, ready to dive back in.

My lesson:

The more you focus on what you’re gaining rather than what you’re losing, the more you will appreciate and be fully present in the moment.

So, with two weeks of summer remaining, I urge you to say ‘yes’ and enjoy the time you and your loved ones might have to play; autumn is right around the corner.

What gain will you focus on today? I’d love for you to share your summer experiences in the comments below. 👇

PS. If you want to learn more about what positive psychology says about focusing on the gains, I encourage you to read the latest article by Scare Your Soul, shared below. 😊

A New Way of Thinking That Might Just Change Your Life

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