Beyond the Achievement Trap
True Success Begins with Who You Are
👋 Welcome back to Live Your Opus, the newsletter where I share insights to help you achieve meaningful, sustainable success and fulfillment in life and business. Thanks for being here and for the 💚 you’ve given my letters recently. If you’re finding value, leave a 💚 at the top or bottom of this email; it also makes it easier for people to find my work (and lets me know you’re enjoying it). 😊
Hi, Friends! Happy Monday!
With four straight days of rain here in Provence, I’ve been indoors a lot, writing. My manuscript is due to the publisher around the end of this year, and what keeps me going is my mission to help high achievers like you live success, meaningfully and sustainably. This mission is personal and comes directly from my lived experience.
You see, there was a time when my identity was wrapped up in my job title, paycheck, and the material goods and lifestyle that all enabled. Moving abroad for a new role only amplified that; without my close community and lifelong friends, work became the center of my world. So, when I eventually burned out and went on medical leave, I found myself facing a painful truth: Without my work, I didn’t know who I was.
Temporarily stepping away from my role left me with two others—mom and wife—but even those roles had consumed me over the years. I'd lost touch with myself during twenty years of hard work, accolades, and parenting. I’d been taught that a life defined by achievements and the visible tokens of ‘success’ it provided was the only path, and no one around me—including me—had ever questioned it.
It was then that I learned the subtle but powerful difference between a high achiever and a healthy high achiever:
High achievers define their value by their achievements.
Healthy high achievers define their value by who they are.
This slight but profound shift changes everything. And it’s not just a philosophical difference—it’s related to how our brains are wired.
When we focus only on achieving, the brain’s “reward system” kicks in, releasing dopamine—a feel-good chemical that activates whenever we hit a milestone. This dopamine rush makes achieving addictive, pushing us to reach for more and then more to feel that same sense of satisfaction. But as anyone on this path knows, the satisfaction never really lasts.
Over time, this cycle can pull us away from who we are, making us feel empty, stressed, and detached. If you are in this cycle, know it’s not just you. From an early age, we’re conditioned on many societal and cultural levels to believe that achievement and success define us. And this conditioning is intense.
But as I learned, this way of living isn’t sustainable—it leaves us feeling restless, anxious, and, perhaps most problematic, deeply unfulfilled.
I’ve learned that there’s a different way to achieve—that centers on who we are rather than what we produce. Neuroscience tells us that by shifting focus from doing to being, we can quiet a part of the brain called the “Default Mode Network” (DMN), which is responsible for that constant inner chatter about needing to prove ourselves.
Here’s what focusing on being rather than proving can look like:
Imagine you’re in a meeting. Instead of feeling like you need to make the perfect comment or prove your expertise, take a few deep breaths and be fully present and in your body. Listen carefully to others, absorb what they’re saying, and allow yourself to be you—without needing to add value to prove you’re worthy of being there.
Doing this quiets your ‘Default Mode Network’ and allows you to feel calm and engaged, creating a sense of self-worth not tied to performing.
When we focus on being, we experience a deeper, steadier sense of fulfillment that no title or big win can replace. That sense comes not from what we achieve but from who we are becoming.
If you’re interested in connecting with this way of being, try reflecting on the following questions:
What do you value most about who you are—not what you’ve accomplished?
How would it feel to let go of measuring your worth by your achievements? How might your life change as a result?
What does it feel like to honor who you are right now, just as you are?
Consider revisiting these questions as a regular check-in with yourself. Allow them to remind you of the value that comes from within you—a value that remains steady, even when things aren’t going according to plan. As you reflect, be kind and compassionate to yourself; this isn’t about judgment.
If you need some inspiration to help you build success, meaning, and health in a busy world, here are some popular articles from my archives:
One Choice Could Change Everything: What if You’re One Decision Away from a Breakthrough?
It’s Not About Goal-Setting Or Productivity: There’s a Bigger Game to Play
I’m Janine Mathó, and I am writing Live Your Opus, a book for ambitious people who want ‘more’ in their lives, careers, or businesses but sometimes struggle to get there. As always, thanks for being here. If this resonates, please share this letter with others who might benefit from it. Thank you!
I publish on Substack twice a week, on Mondays & Thursdays. The format of this letter is evolving as I write my book, so I look forward to your comments and input. Subscribe here, and now you can join hundreds of people reading my letters on LinkedIn. You can learn more about me and my work here.
Join the conversation
In my next letter, I’ll explore what it means to live as a healthy high achiever who creates purposefully and leads with heart. I’d love to hear your questions or experiences living this way. Feel free to add a question or comment below or DM me.
Until next time, thank you for being here and supporting Live Your Opus,
If you want to achieve success that feels as good as it looks, here’s how I can help you:
📋 Join the waitlist for the second cohort of Project Opus—an invitation-only program for entrepreneurially-minded women.